I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Randomize
