WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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