I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
