she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Randomize
