You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
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Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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