oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
