So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Randomize
