I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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