6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
