Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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