all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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