I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
