Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
