I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
