we're blogging at a bar
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
