Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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