ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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