i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize
