Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
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I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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