Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Randomize
