She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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