I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Randomize