I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
