I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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