I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
