I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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