$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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