So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
