WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
