I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
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