Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Randomize
