My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
high people should be assigned attendants
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
