The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Randomize
