I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize