She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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