does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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