All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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