Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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