If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
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