Just mADE A PArabola og urine
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
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