I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
