Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
