we have pet lesbian snakes
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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