She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
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