you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
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