I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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