My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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