I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
