So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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