found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
I've blown a few things in my day
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
