She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
no you cant smoke seaweed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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