She said her name was "party"
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
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