i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
