check it out our google latitudes are spooning
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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