I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
