So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
