I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
