Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
