There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
