I want to walk on stilts...naked
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
