Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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