operation harelip BJ is a go
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
