I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
