turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
