She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So many bounce houses so little time
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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