Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
