I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
