the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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