it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
