Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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