So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Randomize
