Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
